Thursday, May 5, 2011

Fast Five!

Alright I'm going to try and get as many reviews online as I can. Which means efficiency. Which to me mean minimizing effort. So here goes.

Step 1: Trailer!



IF YA SMELLL'L'L'L'L'L'L'LAH!!

Step 2: Premise!

The trailer just lays it all out. If you seen ANY of the past four movies, you'll know that they involve dudes, street racing, illegal stuff and some other generics thrown over. The series pretty much banks on Vin Diesel's (what an appropriate name) gruff badassery and a generous sprinkling of flashy cars and flashier wimmenz to pull it through.

This time around, it's the last movie. The last job. The last hurrah. So ALL of the main characters from the previous 4 movies are in, plus a few new faces.

Step 3: Review!

Break it down!

Acting: 6

Vin Diesel is his usual self. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is his usual self. Paul Walker still stiff. Tyrese Gibson still the funny black guy. Women mostly eye-candy and/or heavily accented hence, like most of the cars, considered "exotic". The villains act decently enough. Acting's not what this franchise is about, man. C'mon.

Soundtrack: 5.5

Dunno, didn't notice it much. Some generic Brazilian/South American music thrown in cuz it's set in Rio. Dramatic volume swells whenever the biggest cliche music moments could be had.

Genre Specific Rating: 7.5

It's a popcorn action movie built around pretty women, badass men and fast cars. It gets the women but doesn't give them the Michael Bay treatment; so it's below that bar. It has the badass men, but I didn't get the satisfaction from seeing The Rock(I shall call him only that) and Riddick thrown down that I thought I would. It was pretty physical and all Hulk-ey but I dunno. Good, not awesome. Lots of gunfights though. Proper blazing machine-gun situations and henchmen deaths. The cars, lastly, aren't featured similarly to the previous offerings. I think it started in the fourth movie, Fast & Furious, where the cars just became part of the scenery. Just elements that you were supposed to accept as being central to the situation yet not the scene, if that makes any sense. Whereas in the first three, they were the showpiece. The races, the flash, the tricks were all center stage. Attempt to seem mature, considering the more serious situations in movies 4 and 5, maybe. The lack of solid script and story however just makes the car-porn gap seem even more obvious though.

General feel: 7

I liked the movie when I was watching it, overall. Wasn't a bad way to kill time. However many of the dialogues were, predictably cheesy and cliched. Especially those reserved for The Rock and Vin Diesel. Highlighted even more so by the aforementioned dramatic volume swells in the background. The funny moments cut through, though they weren't at all inventive either(stereotype used: black people are funny), but at least they weren't the sort that fell flat and the audience had a good time. The massive car chase towards the end was loud and violent but lacked the incisive intensity of famous chases like the one in Ronin or The Transporter. The action ramp-up and the subsequent +15 rating did help but nowhere near enough to make this anything better than "above average". Even for the urban popcorn-action genre.

Final: 6.5

Good enough time-killing watch. Cinema's only though. Watching it at home will probably take away more than half of fun, however much of it there is.






Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Sucker: Punched



I FINALLY SAW SUCKER PUNCH!!!!



Okay firstly, I'm not big on critically acclaimed movies, nor ones that try/want to be. Name a classic movie and I will probably NOT have seen it. There was a memorable incident when an old, old friend of mine rattled off the names of about 19 movies that were super famous and super revered. I had seen zero.

I just can't tolerate too much mass-appeal. Don't get me wrong I'm no niche-lover. I will not watch a French movie about how a man loses his family to alcoholism and ends up getting hit by a car as he walks, lost, across a street. There probably is a movie like that. I wouldn't watch it. But I'm perfectly happy watching cheap, popcorn movies. Jason Statham flicks, every other Guy Ritchie movie, movies where things get blown up and there's pointless sex and awesome music that may or may not really make sense. I do like Quentin Tarantino movies but then, they have all of the above and are considered cool to like. Also I'm a geek. Throw in science-fiction or video-game inspired things or fantasy or stylized violence or ALL of the above and I shall go watch it.

Which all lead to me being INCREDIBLY excited about Sucker Punch. For those of you who don't know what the hell that is,

a) REALLY?!??! Wow. Isolated.

b) Here's a trailer:



c) Here's another:



I KNOW RIGHT?!?!?! Hot wimmenz, awesome music and batshitcrazy action!!

So how was it?


7.5 out of 10.

Many people would go here and think about the dialogue, the acting, the storyline, the point. To them I would say; "It's a movie with 5 hotties known more for their just-mentioned attributes more than their acting and it's CLEARLY banking more on that and the action and omg you total douche".

So. How'd I get to the score? By using.......MATH!!

Acting: 5

Out of the 5 lead wimmenz, only 2 could really sortve maybe act. The supporting cast however was much more believable.

Soundtrack: 9

AWESOME MUZAKXS

Action Sequences: 7

While they look totally super-mega awesome in the trailer, and being a fan of video-games and comics I totally appreciate crazy, over the top, stylized violence and physics-defiance; there is a thing as going TOO far. Like how Gambit could jump off an apartment block in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. HE CAN'T DO THAT IN THE COMICS!! COMICS ARE ALREADY BEYOND PHYSICS WHY TRY AND TAKE IT EVEN FURTHER!?!?

Just like that, there are some sequences, all involving the lead, where her acro and aerobatics get a bit too weird. I mean look, she's jumping over a katana, wielded by a giant stone samurai robot. I'm with you. But at least make it look like she means it! Why is she doing a backflip like a crazy, ninja BALLERINA?? Crazy ninja hottie is enough! Don't overdo it!!

Cast: 8

Everyone's hot and everyone's wearing hotter outfits. Dear dear me. Well, nearly everyone. Everyone except the lead. I just, wasn't into her. Didn't think she was hottest by far. Infact, she wasn't really very hot in my view. See for yourself:


Love

Love

Love

Love

Um. Not really.

Infact, I was SO not into her, that she might've brought the hot-rating down even further had it not been somewhat single-handedly rescued by the nerd-dream-come-true Madame Gorski:

May I please be excused..?


So there it is, my awesome, to the point, highly relevant review of Sucker Punch. A movie I managed to watch only when I spontaneously decided to walk into the nearest theater to see what movie I could catch. Using awesome math skillzx and the power of AVERAGING, we come to 7.25, rounded off to the nearest half point that is 7.5 which was the overall score mentioned at the very start. Yay!



Monday, March 28, 2011

I have a camera-phone. World beware.

Check it out!

These are the pictures I've taken since I've been here!

Day 1.

I haz bloj.

Now to not screw this up.

Why I've made this:

Because I was bored and plan to use this as an awesome time-killer. No pretentious philosophy here. This is just going to be about the shit I've been up to ever since I got here.

Where is 'here':

Abu Dhabi, UAE. I came here on the 1st of December, 2010 because I'd gotten a job in Ernst & Young. Since then I have moved, been to two major concerts, seen a bunch of movies, gained 10kg, been to Dubai a lot (A LOT) and roamed around Abu Dhabi quite a bit too.

So yeah. That's all that I've done, and probably all that I will do. Stagnation comes easy to me.

First Order of Business:

I need to lose 10kg!! Holy shit who'd have thought all that crap on the internets and TV about fast food making you gain weight was true!? I gained TEN kilos here in 2 months!! Now I don't know what to do with it!! Major loss of sex appeal. I HAD none to begin with!! So now this is the goal. Must lose the flab. By June. Which gives me roughly two months to lose 10kg. April and May. Should be possible.

Battle plan:

1. Cut down on the junk.
2. Walk a lot. (this shall require friend exploitation since walking alone SUCKS)
3. Maybe join a gym.

So yes. Hopefully this shall work.

Sunday, March 27, 2011